Thank goodness it's Monday. I am so ready to get all up in this week, I don't know what to do with myself. So excited to speak with you all right now I could just pop (insert goofy, weird, exciting dance)!
I hope each of you is showing up to life in the best form you have to offer. Additionally, I pray you are showing up and showing out for yourself every chance you get, especially on the days you don't want to. As we grow through our lives, the evolutionary vibrations that are currently setting our soul's desires on fire are echoing through the valleys and across the mountain tops. The collective synergy is amazing. What a great time to be alive and to heal.
SN: It's crazy how much trauma we've experienced in life, to the extent of not knowing the degree of damage we were causing ourselves, that 'healing' is now a deeply sought wisdom for life longevity. I can't even express how grateful I am for the highs and the lows and discovering my healing journey.
Anywho, I wanted to quickly chat with you all about a lesson I came across in my journal the other day.
The title: Just because you are a good woman, doesn't mean you are the right one for her.
I often found myself in conversation with beautiful-hearted women expressing their desires to be with a woman, who may not return or receive all the good love they are showering her with.
As I stated, many of us are doing the "work" on ourselves. We are making sure we have good hearts, are mentally and financially stable/prepared, clear of all ex-lovers ties & strings, and aware of our traumas and triggers for the betterment of emotional interaction with other souls. We are preparing and healing every day to be a great woman to ourselves, and (if the desire is there) to be a great woman and partner to the love of our life. Words can not describe the feeling you have when your house is ready to be made a home with a willing and loving heart. Vibrating at that frequency will bring you exactly what you are seeking.
While you are basking in the good energy of getting to know yourself at deeper levels, and soon opening for possible love, I thought it would be unlike me not to give you all a heads up regarding an experience that caused me to stumble on my journey.
The world is still what it is, and everybody is not healing and loving.
There was a point in my life where I knew I brought a lot to the table for relationships, and my equation did not factor in my material possessions. I had my head on straight and from what I can remember, I had become very goal oriented; quickly transitioning out of the clubbing phase in my life. I wanted a different experience from being a lesbian woman. Up until then, relationships for me were some form of hook-ups, kick-its, fucks, catch a few feelings, maybe call it love, then realize the person you've opened your body, mind, and heart to, you had no real intentions for beyond that moment, day, week, or even month. It was as if I became instantly exhausted when I realized how much I never paid attention to the amount of myself I gave away trying to keep afloat in a depthless body of water the world calls "love" and relationships.
Anyway, I was ready to get out of that cycle and channel a forever kind of energy with a beautiful woman. After a few messy spills, I cleaned myself up and was ready to be a good woman to another woman.
"You're a good woman, just too good for me."
"You're too good to be true."
"If I were to choose anyone, it would be you."
"I'm not ready for a relationship, let's just flow and see what happens."
I heard those phrases for more than I wanted to. Because, if all that was true, then why was I not chosen or good enough to be in a relationship?
I just knew I had what it took to love her (at least the stamina to get it right with her), so I didn't want to hear 'not now' anymore. I was a good woman, and everything I had to offer was enough, I just needed her to see it (validate me). I was very confident that my love was potent and pure. I had no doubt, with time, she would fall madly in love with me and realize I was the right one for her along and we would live happily ever after. All I had to do was keep loving her until my love made her love me back. Hahaha, the hell? Boy, was so wrong.
Despite her being honest about not wanting a relationship, I neglected to safeguard us both from the experience of when love is left unanswered. I didn't protect her from my emotional shutdowns, spasms, and binges. She didn't know how not to run, hide and reject the "love" I was so desperately trying to give her. That was the moment I learned the universal principle "You can not make someone love you." I knew it wasn't my first time around that mountain, but it was the first time I felt the brunt of the lesson.
What I learned when it came to the desires to love and to be loved on the journey, helped me appreciate my lessons with a sincere heart instead of a bitter one. I no longer had to mask my emotional pain with the "work" I was putting in, in other areas. I believe our journeys are a collective effort of all aspects of self. However, this emotional house can be a tough cookie to work through if not attended to with sincere intentions to understand and sometimes heal in isolation.
1. Get Out of Your Head & Be Mindful
I had to learn mindful listening. I had to listen to all things, especially words left unsaid. Many times we are so caught in our minds that we misinterpret words spoken directly to us, and ultimately destroy intentions of things unsaid. We tend to over-analyze people and situations, and when things don't go our way, we shut down emotionally without any real resolve to what we feel. However, it's when we purpose in our heart to understand beyond our limits, we start to hear and see the real reasons why certain things are as they are and not as we wish for them to be.
2. If Ego is the Driver, Throw Your Whole "Love" in the Garbage.
We have to be careful not to operate from an ego-based love. Ego-based love is all about self, yet disguised as a sincere desire to love others. Ego-based love is strengthened through validation and having others meet the expectations we've set for them even when we verbally say we have no expectations. The fact I wanted to give her my love regardless of her apprehensions and personal dealings was a clear indication I had not truly understood how to operate in love. It was my ego that needed to win her over, prove myself worthy to be her lover. My "love" was pushing her away more than drawing her nigh. Although my intentions were meant to be pure, loving someone from the ego is a form of emotional deceit.
3. Get Your Emotional Needs Met By Yourself
I soon had to realize who I was, the love I wanted to give, and the love I wanted to receive did not require a counterpart. Seriously. Everything I needed, wanted and desired when it came to love had to come from me. I could not mask the deep work my emotional house required by hiding behind my efforts to love someone else. Unfortunately, (but still cool) all of this didn't register to me while trying to get someone to love me.
While you are cleaning, clearing, healing, evolving, and preparing, please remain mindful of your worth (because it can get bruised out here) and stay honest with yourself at all times. If all possible, don't make the decisions I did when I purposely ignored the big ass yellow sign stating, "You are a good woman, just not the right one for her." I allowed my ego to blind me and I responded to love unanswered as rejection instead of divine purpose. I remained in the grips of my delusions for longer than needed, and I lost some forward momentum on my healing journey.
Until I received the lesson, I couldn't wrap my head around why good love was not a great fit for anyone I decided to love. The crazy thing is though; it wasn't that complicated to understand once my ego suffered yet another deserving blow. It is okay for you not to be meant for someone and someone not meant for you. If this lesson arrives at the threshold of your healing journey, as quickly as you can, learn the value of "it's okay." It is okay for a woman not to choose you as her lover; yep, even after you have confessed your undying love for her. And when you heal parts of your emotional house that deals with rejection and co-dependency, you will appreciate the woman who decided not to choose you in more ways I can list.
The truth is she will appreciate you for loving her because who doesn't want to feel the love they don't have to "deserve". However, everyone has a choice and when you are not the one she chooses, yes it will sting, but it's okay, life will go on. The sooner you become okay with this lesson, the sooner you'll able to let go (healthily) and honor the time shared with the woman.
P.S. It's not about letting people go, it's about freeing yourself. ;-)