Many have asked for me to address communication in relationships. Where do I begin? When I think of communication I envision it as a pillar of life that ties into all aspects of living. Communication is big and its importance continues to be the focal point of universal discussions. Communication is one of those skills that has an ongoing development structure. The more you're exposed to environments that require your clear explanation of thoughts and feelings in an effort to respond adequately to your presence is conducive to positive communicative growth. In these settings, your voice becomes validated through respect, even in the face of disagreement. You find value in the ability to convey your truest intentions without feelings of regret or shame.
On the contrary, when you are in environments that elicit negative consequences for the utterance of your truth and great rewards for your silence, as in with all conditioning method, your system engages in a reprogramming that needs no further instructions. You tighten the strap of the bridle on your voice and teach yourself to mute in compliance. This happens and many times without warning, especially if you fill dedicated, devoted, or dependent on the stimulus of your action. The #1 delusion that comes from self-silencing is obedience. And when taught out of context... we learn obedience is better than sacrifice. Therefore, we no longer risk the outcomes of our truth and settle for the results of our silence. We've all experienced some form of voice muting conditions in our lives. We've all experience tyrannical-like situations that didn't value our voice. We've all been emotionally and verbally oppressed with and without our permission.
A Deeper Look
For many of us, our silencing began early in age. If raised in a family that did not honor respectful freedom of expression, we were taught a few staple principles about communication that metastasized before we conceptualized its true existence
On top of silence being programmed as a compliant, pleasing behavior, yet its true identity is the exact opposite, our love preference comes with stipulatory infractions. Not only do certain family "values" encourage the suppression of this form of expression, the religion which governs the moral foundation of many cultural connections insists on the complete revocation of our personal truth. Along with religion, other institutions such as government and education has shadowed this truth almost into non-existence, making the right to explore and promote this freedom of self-expression an act of ignorance and/or moral treason.
It goes deeper. And you can travel that road by revisiting experiences you remember of your silencing.
Then all of a sudden we look up and we're consenting adults with an ill-structured concept of communication, and a pseudo-safe-haven in silence that was formed in our beginning years. Now, that we have the opportunity to speak up for ourselves... we have no clue or the courage to do it.
What happens when you are no longer oppressed, but that's all you've known?
What happens when someone actually values your voice and desires to love you freely, not oppressively?
What happens when you want to share who you are with a new love interest, but have no clue when and where you last heard your voice?
What happens when both of you are silent or screaming.... and really just want to communicate?
Up Next: Part #2: Throat Chakra