It is not uncommon for us to want what we want when we want it. If you are anything like myself, when I have my mind set on achieving or acquiring goals (whatever they may be), I have a no-lose focus and a relentless fight to get exactly what I desire. We've all experienced this surge before, it is a great character trait to have. Some of us live every day in this intensity of pursuit. However, as I travel within my current levels of evolution, I was made to swallow the very hard HARD pill of slowing down. Now, some of you would label it rejection, failures, dumb ass mistakes, blunders and etc., hell I know I did. But as your perspective starts to be more refined, your filters change. You gain the ability to see who you are and the deep-rooted work required to qualify you to attain and obtain said desires. When you are made to slow down and focus on the quality of who you are versus the quantity of what you have the ability to produce (on every level of existence), your energetic message changes.
It is sort of like an Instagram profile. There are people who post many pictures a day doing practically the same thing. Their captions are long, their words are vain and their need for likes (attention) grows by each post and DM slide. They are in need of something, and they use what they know will attract those things to the best of their ability.
Then there's the one a day or week posts (maybe), abstract angles, reflective thoughts, not having to be in the picture at all accounts that cause one to think when their images grace the screen. Images that require a deeper look past the first initial sight and thought. Images that took time and images that required a different perspective to be taken in the first place.
What I am trying to convey here is there's something special about taking your time and putting forth a deeper meaning than the obvious. Working for a deeper sense of self than what's already known. In my head I see an old object found in the back of the garage; dusty and outdated; however, it still works when you press the power button. You are surprised and happy because this was a hot commodity to have back in the day. You clean it up and put it to use. Although you notice it doesn't do the job just right, you remember what it used to do and give it a pass on not measuring up, because hey... it could not have worked at all... right?! You continue to use this object (all shined up looking and possibly sounding new; changed out a few things here and there) because instead of investing in a new one, you operate on what it used to do, versus what it's actually doing right now.
I remember being in a conversation with a woman a month or so ago. She expressed to me her desires and fondness for a lady she was interested in. I was all giddy on the inside to hear of her passion towards this woman. It sounded great and pure interest is always a blessing. She was deep for her and rather quickly. I asked her questions about her previous relationship(s) and what she sought from the woman she was now interested in. As her words unfolded, I saw the pattern of rushing into "love". She went on to tell me when she met the lady that was now her ex, she was recently out of a relationship, and so was her ex. And now here she is a few years later, again recently out of a relationship and seeking to be in another, hoping for different results.
I have my own opinion on time and it's not contingent on healing and when you should pursue another relationship. However, I do believe if you are expecting something different from YOURSELF, you must take the needed time to understand your triggers in relationships and in life and how they can possibly flow within the realms of another soul before entering another romantic commitment. If you are not careful, yes you do take the pain, insults, and injuries from your past relationship into your next if you don't do the deep work of healthy detachment.
Some of us are mental, spiritually and especially emotionally operating on the memories of our functions and capabilities while dressed up in new bodies, clothes, jobs, houses, cars, partners etc. Too many #TBT and #FlashbackFridays. I never knew the pain of putting money and time into a dead situation until I hooked up a car that had a bad engine. Thousands of dollars sat pretty in the backyard on an inoperable car. That's pain.
Are you an amazing, beautiful, smart, healthy, fine, versatile and all around spectacular being....? YES! However, it is not until our demise that all I've mentioned above will no longer need meaningful refining. The higher you desire to move through each realm, level and stage of your life require a different attention, a deeper investment of time. We can't continue to want priceless possessions and attributes from microwave dedication. Yes, I am speaking about love. We have to put in the work to have solid relationships or we will find our nice, fine, intelligent, wealthy, famous selves still broken women on the inside.
What I've learned (and the mf hard way) is when you decide to take your time and really figure yourself out, you take the sting out of not reaching the mark. My emotional, spiritual and mental goals are SMART goals now; they are incremental. I don't try to push myself to get the biggest results anymore. Hell, I never really reached a goal I set that was logically and physically impossible to reach anyway. I found myself angry when that happened. Unreasonable timelines will cause you to give up, doubt and discontinue on your path to wholeness... greatness. You will feel rejected, unwanted and a failure in certain areas when you don't take your time to really evolve. Yes, even while being (perceiving to be) an all around great person.
Slow down and take your time with yourself. Be realistic about where you are and where you are trying to reach. The gift is in the journey, the destination is only a pit stop.
Lately, I've been beseeching deeper (real deep). I've also realized the certain stage of my life I always plateau at. I'm being made aware of my pitfalls from this stage and why I continue in cyclic nuances. It's not always a pretty thing to see yourself, but it's so necessary. I know for a fact if I wasn't made to slow down I would have never paid attention to the signs. And they sign just keep coming until I truly change my course... That goes the same for you.
You got this!
P.S. I started writing this letter to you one week and four days ago, multiple revisions... deletions. The process of meaningful truth I tell you.