ParKer Bryant speaks again from a place of deep reflection and love as she explores the depth and importance of a decision.
"I would have never given this much thought to the importance of decisions beyond acceptance letters, position offers, approval notices and transactional exchanges until my heart was on the line."
Explore the depth and importance of a decision with ParKer Bryant's reflection on life and love. In this essay, ParKer weaves in and out of a personal account of being in a love undecided and a life filled with myopic models.
By the end of the essay there is a sense of peace, understanding and unconditional love for all experiences that now shape decisions made.
Return to your throne of self love and trust with Decision.
And here we are, in the depths of needing to be sure about what we are doing, who we are becoming and where the hell are we going. Without warning, stagnation gripped a forward movement of mind, resulting in a lot of dumb, old toxic ass manifestations of self (ego), even after doing “the work” or none at all. Better yet, we rather ruminate in new ideas and future fantasies only giving enough room to tickle our need to “be” and sound ambitious with our many tasks at hand. Yet strangled by the makeshift noose of lacking decision-based effort. And we’ll get into how effort ain’t worth shit if you really haven’t decided to reach completion with excellence… another time.
To think about it, the sculpting of our upbringing was to make do with what was given. Having to not only be grateful, but to also display without an inkling of dissatisfaction gratitude for whatever possessed. Matter of fact, to make a decision, have choice, or have say was privilege, and being privileged wasn’t something all were afforded. We’ve lived much of our lives fulfilling the decisions of others. Weighted down by expectations that didn’t serve us more than it limited. Even now as adults to engage in conversations about the presence of choice to decide scaffolds an unfolding of indoctrinations passed down like folklores.
What appeared to be decisions were actually blind results from consistently running with persistence away from uncomfortable spaces and uncertainties of our past atmospheres. And because we were robbed of the luxury to understand this life changing birthright, we’ve unconsciously engaged others in our vastness of all things and nothing, perpetrating the cycle caused by emotional paralysis due to an overload of options.
I would have never given this much thought to the importance of decisions beyond acceptance letters, position offers, approval notices and transactional exchanges until my heart was on the line. The days months, years remaining in a love undecided could have been shortened if a decision was made. Perhaps confusion, perhaps narcissism; I didn’t need to be chosen, I needed direction. A decision is the detonator of movement to create everything you want to manifest in your life.
Steven Johnson stated in his book Farsighted, “The craft of making farsighted choices—decisions that require long periods of deliberation, decisions whose consequences might last for years, is a strangely under-appreciated skill.”